Vincent Ritter

The Apple event(s?)...

So I caved yesterday morning, drinking coffee, eating breakfast. I turned on the TV and the Apple TV app opened, and here was Tim Cook with a stupid picture. This in turn made me roll my eyes, and just said "this is fucking pretentious"... I tapped play on the event.

My inner geek came out, wanting to catch up on all things Apple. It was only the urge to look. So here I was, watching the first 2 minutes... I always like the overproduced intro videos... except this time I didn't enjoy it. What I did enjoy was those beautiful big trees and nature. I mean wow!

Tim walked out and the effect was fun... he opened his mouth, spoke... and I immediately cringed. This is bad. Immediately pausing it. I got to 02:13.

My wife joined, she never watched these with me. I skipped to the Apple Watch section, just scrubbing over until I saw it. Pressed play.

Amazing landscape! My wife and I agreeing. Thinking about what life would be like. Remembering Jersey (where we met & lived) and its beautiful coast and scenery and beaches.

Then they spoke. I cringed once again. We are both in agreement. "Why do they speak like this?".

Big words, funny hand gestures (just to drive home the point), and treating like everyone is a big eyed stupid baby that doesn't understand other words instead of "Our most advanced display yet" (Makes big gestures)... rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat - and here we are at the end of the segment. Oh wait, here is a promo video of some dude falling with his precious Watch. Same effect. "We're thrilled..." - oh no, here we fucking go again.

WR50! WR50! Did I just say WR50? No? FUCK... * big hand gesture, "WR50 PEOPLE!". WR50.

You know that Captain Picard facepalm (or the one of many)? Yeah? Well, that sums it up actually for every-single-event-to-date-in-the-past-few-years.

I don't understand all this big drama about everything and the "fakeness" of it all. I know this is "marketing", but jeez what a fucking bore. Who cares? Stop the baby talk like I'm a retard. It's getting old and stupid and boring. It's a shame. A real shame. Unfortunate that all this trickles down to everything else in society and markets too. Stupid. I don't like fake, and I don't like sugar coating (except on a real cake).

Steve Jobs did the same thing, but there was something in his eyes, in his body language where he truly believed everything he was saying and presenting. Yes, also big words, but big words with meaning and real emotion and heart. Passion.

There is none of that anymore.

I wanted to stop, as I was just annoyed by the "blah blah BIG WORD" (hand gesture to follow). Then however, a surprise update on Apple Fitness+.

Fitness+ is by far the best Apple service that exists, in my opinion, and I was so happy to see updates to it. But I was only excited about the new content arriving. The videos and promos again were the same thing and the same message. Rinse and repeat.

This was the only section I enjoyed.

I stopped there. I guess the phones came afterwards, looking at the little preview clips.

My message to Apple? Stop being so fake, stop treating everyone like a child and get serious. Be less culturally American and be more international (the American way isn't always the only one, or the best). Surprise us once again. Don't be boring during your presentations. Use different words and be fucking passionate about it, and don't just say it with big hand gestures. Show it, spontaneously - not staged.

I still enjoy the products when I use them and Apple Fitness+ has made a profound difference in my life (makes BIG HAND GESTURE). The Apple Watch is their best product, giving useful utility out of everything whilst not getting in the way of having a real life. I hope that one day it evolves into something more refined. The iPhone umbilical cord gone.

For now, Apple, I'll catch up on Fitness+ and Apple Watch stuff. That's all I want. Stay passionate (for real) about it and surprise me!