Vincent Ritter

Dealing with uncertain times

Before you start reading, please be aware that I will use many “f word” kind of words in this post (more than you’re used to). So if you find that sort of tone offending… you’ve been warned.

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We all know what’s going on. I don’t want to repeat the same shitty song we’re all hearing. Everyones life has been turned upside down, in ways. Every day feels like a week. Governments scrambling to do government things. Stupid advise. Good advise. For selfish political gain. You name it.

The past few weeks have been hard. I feel like I want to escape the problem, but today I went to the shop, like many times before. I felt physically sick. I felt trapped. Everyone was wearing protective masks, gloves and even some people had full head gear to protect any “infection” splatter. My chest felt tight, my vision now in tunnel mode. “I have to get out of here”.

There just isn’t any escape. It’s outside, it’s on our fucking doorstep.

I never follow the news, but in a way I have to now. Locally and occasionally globally. I hate the news. News mostly cover “the virus” and then “the markets” (who really gives a flying fuck?) and then “the virus” and “this is the future” kind of shitty posts. Everyone is talking about it. Even though I limit myself, now the government is texting me about advise (I didn’t even opt-in to this shit… but fine, it’s for the greater safety of people).

I lean more on my wife (she’s the best person I wish I could be with) to help me understand the advise given from the government. I don’t speak Polish. It’s hard to be in the “normal” routine in the shop. I don’t understand all these technical words on the wall telling me how I should wait in line or any special procedures. “You HAVE to take a shopping cart”. Did I know? No. Thankfully the clerk spoke some English.

What will tomorrow bring? More uncertainty.

I don’t want to be an ass and just “ignore” the problem. I can’t. As I said… it’s right outside. It’s within the fabric of society, no matter how alien it is to everyone.

I can’t fucking sleep well anymore. Plus this stupid clock change isn’t helping. Hopefully that is one less thing to worry about next year. But still? It’s 01:00 AM. Maybe I’ll sleep better today. In a way I feel like that writing this is helping me, in a small way, to deal with the overwhelming life changes right now.

What I do know is that, sooner or later, this will be all over (just hope it never happens again). And I know that many people are probably in similar shoes. From a single person to a multi generation family with kids. We’re all going through this together.

Everyone is coping with it differently. Some people decide not to write about it and keep “business as usual”. I get it. And in fact, this is the one and only time I will break my own rule by writing what I wrote above.

Everyone has different strengths. One of my personal strengths is change. Too many times in my life was I forced to change because of shitty changes in life. Some brought by others and some not. Whilst I don’t like all these changes happening right now I just have to accept them and play with the cards I was given. I was given shittier cards in my earlier life. However I was single at the time. Having a family (Wife and Kid) makes it all the more shittier!

But now I have a choice. Be crushed by it all. Stop. Do nothing except worry. Do fuck all until the situation changes. Sit in the house and wait for the storm to pass.

Fuck no. I have a family to feed, more now than ever before. I can’t stop. I have to push through for the sake of my family, no matter what. I have many things planned, now parried down to key things that I want to achieve. The time is now to grab them by the balls and do them, because by the end of all this I will have done what I wanted. I need to think about the end goal, the long term. I can’t think of short term. And don’t get me wrong, I do need to think of the now too, because every day is different.

I don’t want to be chocked up by everything that is going on. I would get really depressed if I did. Not only is the world falling apart as I know it, but so is the drive to make things for the web and mobile devices. I couldn’t live with myself if it all got to me. I owe it to myself and my family to get through this no matter what.

I don’t want to sound like an ass. I don’t want to avoid the problem (nobody can). But excuse me, I’m not going to write about it anymore. Instead I’m going to do my best to do what I love and care about, professionally. It’s good for my mental health to pursue what makes me happy. It’s more important now than ever.

Yes, I have to accept the changes in our household and need to adjust my working times and go through everything together with my wife to find some real good middle ground that works for all of us. I totally accept that I won’t be so productive.

So, if you find me blogging more about projects and podcasting more… it’s not me trying to avoid the problem. It’s just me doing what I love.

Love, good health and peace.

- Vincent