Over the past weeks, perhaps months, I’ve been asking myself on what is important. Important to my family and me, and the choices I am making myself to steer the course of aligning with the “important”.

There is a feeling of being adrift in the sea, no bearing, hardly anything to go by. A direction to perhaps try and find other waters. Maybe calmer seas ahead.

But that leaves me with today. Where I am at now, at sea, destination unknown. Treading water here and now. A direction. A purpose.

Blogging words is my escape. Letting go of deep thoughts. A point in time. Something to look back on. Look at me doing those short sentences again. A message in a bottle.

Lately I haven’t felt like blogging much. It now just feels forced. Forced to write to keep the perception that “I am still here”. Purpose unknown. I am here, alive, living in the real world.

Back when I had personal posts on my blog I posted about how blogging is meant just for me, no one else. Something to one day look back on, see my state of mind — even if I burned some posts to the ground.

This is my blog, my playground, my island in the sea. An island that might thrive one day, have its good days and certainly bad days. I guess you can’t have good days without the bad. You’d never know either.

I don’t feel like forcing myself to write. Each time I think I should write something I just stop myself — a mute filter. Holding onto feelings (good or bad), leaving it inside of me.

That brings me to what is important to me. I’ve been soul searching quietly on what is — what was important last year no longer holds, dreams I aspired to now just silly in comparison. That’s growing. Letting go.

I know what I need to do. I know my next direction.

Knowing my direction is important. It’s my anchor at sea.